Connecting Love And Marriage

Till death do us part?  We all stood at the altar and declared this proclamation before God, family, and friends.  But, did we REALLY know what we were signing up for?  Staying married during tough seasons??  Did we really count the cost and consider what “For better or worse” might actually include?  How to maintain peace in your marriage is not a concern when you are standing at the altar.

Watch this video to view my live video discussing “How to maintain peace in your marriage during tough seasons!”.

No one gets married excited and ready to face the tough seasons of marriage. 

Especially NOT infidelity.  That is the last thing on your mind.  So what do you do if your tough season is restoring your marriage after infidelity?  How do you maintain peace in your marriage during tough seasons that overwhelm you?  Here is what you must consider during these seasons.

Here’s the weapon that is currently formed against you!

The enemy wants you to believe that this is IT.  He wants you to believe the current status of your relationship is all you will experience.  There is nothing God can do to heal, redeem and renew your marriage.  But that is a lie.  His goal is not to just attack your marriage.  His plot is to attack your lineage.  Your seed.  Your children and their children.  If the enemy can destroy your marriage he knows that it will create a ripple effect that will impact your children’s marriage.  Their faith.  How they believe in God and even how they serve God.  Their view of God is affected by your ability to see God for who he really is.  

Yes, it is possible for your children to overcome the obstacles that you weren’t able to overcome.  They can hear from God on their own, trust him and trailblaze through every obstacle that stands in front of them.   But, there is power passed down from generation to generation.  

Here is the truth!

There is a direct transfer of wisdom, faith, and understanding you will pass down to your children.   You have to be intentional about what you are modeling for your children to repeat.

But, it starts with you creating an environment of peace in your home that allows the presence of God.  You MUST choose to create an environment in your home that WILL be passed down to your children.  

God needs you to model the behavior you expect to see your children repeat in their homes with your grandchildren.  

Does this mean you don’t have tough conversations?  Of course, you must have tough conversations.  God’s word instructs us to have tough conversations.  Matthew 18:15 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother.

The goal of private confrontation is always to restore the relationship.  

Does this mean you have to become docile or act like a Stepford wife?  That’s a hard NO for me and completely impossible.  lol 

So what CAN you do to maintain peace in your marriage during tough seasons?

Choose to speak the truth in love.

Sometimes, you have to say things your spouse doesn’t want to hear.   Ignoring the problem does not eliminate the problem.  But, choosing to speak in the right tone and disposition will normally get you the results you want.  

How can you speak the truth to your husband in love?

Approach him the same way you want him to approach you when you are wrong.  Or even better….approach him the same way you want your daughter-in-law to approach your daughter.

I don’t care what my daughter does, I DO NOT want her future husband popping off, insulting or disrespecting her.  I want him to be gentle with her.  Speak to her in a tone that lets her know she is still loved.

This continues to save my marriage and is something that I continually MUST work towards.  I’m STILL a chocolate girl from the Bronx.  She stays ready!  So I have to be extremely intentional about my tone and speaking to my husband in a way that honors God.

Proverbs 15:   A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

The Bible clearly tells us you can’t pop off and think they are going to respond peacefully.  Could they?  Sure they could be prayed up and focused on allowing the Lord to speak peacefully through them at all times.  

But, why throw a rock and expect them to be kind to you?  

Even when you feel he deserves to feel your wrath!

Choose to offer grace instead!  I get it.  You DON’T want to.  But we must do things in a way that honors God so we can experience the results we truly desire.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 says  “Keep your temper under control; it is foolish to harbor a grudge.”

This takes practice!!!  You WILL NOT get it right all the time.  You will want to pop off and hurt his feelings.  

This also includes your mannerism and expressions. 

I am VERY animated and tend to be a little on the dramatic side.  So when I am angry or upset….you can forget about it.  

It can very easily become my best theatrical presentation if I am not mindful of how my voice, tone, and expressions can be aggressive.  

Maintaining peace in your marriage during tough seasons starts with your ability to experience peace within yourself.  Your ability to control yourself and how you choose to express yourself.

If maintaining peace in your marriage is your desire, You must make up your mind that you will speak the truth in love.  

Choose your words wisely while being direct. 

If you are like me, be extremely intentional about your tone and mannerisms as you express yourself.  

If you are too angry to control yourself….

1. Stay quiet until you can control your words.  
2. Pray for clarity, understanding, wisdom, and peace!
3. Ask God to help you release your anger.
4. Cast your cares and choose to experience God’s peace.  

Remember, your lineage is on the line here.  God is not done with you or your marriage.  This is the beginning of your best season.  Just trust God and go through the process knowing you already have the victory.

Stay Blessed Sis!