Connecting Love And Marriage

If you’ve experienced marital trauma and have chosen to stay with your husband, I commend you.  You have chosen to allow God to do what only he can do which is restore your marriage and make it stronger than it was before.  During this journey, you may experience moments where your emotions are all over the place.  You want to experience peace while you are navigating through this season.   I promise it is possible for you to experience peace.  But, we have to overcome one obstacle which is secretly stealing your peace in your marriage.

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Peace is a feeling of being safe or protected.   It’s a mental state of calmness or tranquility, freedom from worry and anxiety.

Peace of mind is a state of inner tranquility and contentment.   It is an emotional feeling that can be achieved through meditation, prayer, or other spiritual practices.

Where our mental and emotional balance is in complete alignment with our understanding of who we are and the power God has already given us.

Why do you want to have mental peace?

Mental peace is so important because it can help you remain calm in the face of distress by easing feelings of anxiety, worry, and overwhelm. Without peace of mind, you might eventually begin to notice symptoms of anxiety and stress, including sleep disturbances, aches, and pains.

When we have peace of mind, we are full of positive energy and in a good mood! Also, we efficiently manage to resist the sickness and bad attitude of others, and we perform better at doing any work. Peace makes us more creative; we investigate better and solve problems faster.

A person with a peaceful mind is someone who has learned to stay calm and poised in every situation, in daily life, and in stressful and difficult conditions. Your peaceful mind means you are experiencing poise, calmness, and self-control.

A peaceful mind does not run from one thought to another restlessly.   It does not follow every thought that pops up and can choose what thoughts to meditate on and what thoughts to reject.

Your peaceful mind enables you to think before you act, saving you time, energy, and inconvenience.  With a peaceful mind, you can easily focus your attention on anything you choose, without being distracted or disturbed.

How can you experience constant peace? 

John 14:27  Says Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

You already have it inside of you.  If you are a believer, meaning you have accepted Christ as your personal savior, this peace already resides in you.  

But, life happens.  

1 Peter 5:8 says Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

The enemy is after you Boo.  He knows if he can keep you distracted and focused on your problems, you will never walk in the power that God has given you.   

Matthew 17:20-21, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”.

That is real power to defeat the enemy.  

But, what is the one thing that is secretly stealing peace in your marriage without you even knowing it???

Harboring unforgiveness against others.  Especially harboring unforgiveness against your husband.  

Unforgiveness is a silent thief of your joy.   It ruins your health and shows up as bitterness, resentment, and relentless anger toward your husband.

Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers.  Why would you surrender your life to the enemy when God has already declared you are free from his rule? 

I get it, you believe that if you hold a grudge against your husband, you are paying him back.  You feel you can’t let him off the hook for what he has done to you. But, the trick is instead of placing him on the hook, you’ve also placed yourself on the hook.  

It seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when you are still struggling with the betrayal of what they have done.   You have pain, and they got freedom without having to pay for the pain they caused.

Here is the truth!

There is absolutely no way you can experience peace, love, and joy while clutching unforgiveness to your heart.   You are helping yourself when you choose to forgive.   You will be happier and feel better physically when you are not filled with the poison of unforgiveness.

Your fellowship with God flows freely when you’re willing to forgive, but it gets blocked by unforgiveness. 

2 Corinthians:10-11 tells us that Forgiveness keeps Satan from getting an advantage over you 

We can’t forget the clear instructions God has given us in Ephesians 4:26-27, Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold.   Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive.

How to forgive when it feels impossible?

1. Decide to forgive – You will never forgive if you wait until you feel like it. Your flesh will always fight against forgiving your husband.  Choose to obey God in spite of your feelings.  Make the decision to forgive.  
2. Ask for help – You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s too hard to do on your own.  God will enable you to forgive, but you must humble yourself and cry out to God for help. In John 20:22-23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit!” His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who’ve hurt you.
3. Follow God’s Instructions – The Word tells us several things we’re to do concerning forgiving our enemies:

• Pray for your husband. Pray for his happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27-28). As you pray, God can give your husband a transformative revelation of what he has done and a fire to turn from his sin.     
• Choose to release the pain to God.  You can not carry that load any longer. Release all desires for revenge, and bitterness.  Cry out to him.  
• …Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means “to speak well of” and to curse means “to speak evil of.”    You can’t walk in forgiveness and speak ill of your husband.   How do you know you have truly forgiven your husband?  When you can speak blessings over his life.  THIS honors God and reflects the fruits of the spirit.  THIS is true transformation and surrender to God.

Practical application/Homework

Every single night I have a forgiveness ceremony.  It’s part of my bedtime routine.   Follow these steps to release forgiveness and experience breakthroughs in your life.  

Step #1 – Write a letter to God regarding what was done to you.  Lay it out there.  Release every emotion you have about the offense onto that paper.

Step #2 –  Ask God to forgive you for harboring the anger and unforgiveness instead of immediately releasing it to him.

Step #3 – Forgive your spouse.  Release him from having to pay a debt.

Step #4 – Pray blessings over him.  This is a true sign of yoru spiritual growth.  Time out for saying you are a mature adult follower of Christ and acting like a newborn babe in Christ.  

Are you going to obey God or are you going to serve the Devil?  It’s pretty cut and dry.  There is a line that is always drawn between good and evil, choose which side of the line you are going to live on.  

Understand that peace, love, joy and a sound mind are already available to you.  But, it can only be experienced when you choose to align with the Lord’s side. 

Stay Blessed Sis!