What can you do when your husband no longer makes you feel happy?

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I didn’t sign up for this!  This isn’t what I expected!  Who is this person that I married??  These are all questions most women have asked at some point in their marriage.  At least I have.  And, I know I’ve made my husband ask these questions 1000 times.  LOL, It’s inevitable.  The honeymoon is officially over, and reality hits.  And it hits hard!  You have two different people from two different backgrounds with two different upbringings and tell them they are now one.  What the world??   I have cried out, “My husband no longer makes me feel happy!” way more than I expected I would.

Expectations of wedded bliss fill our girlish dreams when we believe we’ve met our prince charming.

Actually, from the moment we played with our first Barbie and Ken doll until we actually walk down the aisle, we create expectations of what our marriage would look like.  It’s these same expectations that could create a rift between husbands and wives.  He has pre-arranged expectations of his wife while she has pre-arranged expectations of her husband.    

Then you throw baggage into the equation, and it makes for a fascinating marriage.  We all have baggage.  Whether we like it or not, there is junk that we bring to our marriage.  It is not healthy, but we have it.   We either present our junk to our spouse with “expectations” that they will embrace and adore our junk, or we throw our junk at them with “expectations” that they signed up to fix our junk.

Either way, you are setting yourselves, your spouse, and your marriage up for disaster.  While you were caught up in the bliss of new love, you sometimes make the mistake of turning your affections and expectations for God toward your spouse.  Nothing big, though.  It starts with a little shift.  Very small.   You focus a little more on them and a little lesson God.  As your attention increases towards your husband, so does your expectations.  Sometimes you make the mistake of expecting them to give you joy and make you happy.  If you are not careful, wedded bliss can grow into “My husband doesn’t make me happy.”

“My husband doesn’t make me happy anymore!”

If you have said this at any point in your marriage, there is the possibility that you have turned your affection and expectations from God toward your spouse.   Don’t beat yourself up, though.  We have ALL done it.  We are excited about love and began to focus on the blessing instead of the Blesser.

But, this is the wonderful thing about God.  He is patiently waiting for you to shift and turn completely back towards him.  God wants all of your heart, and through this, He can give you the joy you have been craving.   Matthew 22:37, Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul and with ALL your mind.”  

no longer happy

God wants all of you!

Why?  Because everything you need is in Him.  Every answer you need can only be found in your relationship with our father.  Jeremiah 29: 11-14a “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you will seek ME, with ALL your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord.

This is where my marriage was restored!   marriage

When I began seeking God with my whole heart, soul, and mind!  This was when I walked into a better understanding of who God really is to me.   I began to really get a grip on who God wants to be in my life.   I fell in love with God all over again.  And somehow, through His divine grace and mercy, He restored my marriage.   I began to see my husband, marriage, and children differently.  My expectations shifted, and I began to see them through God’s eyes.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Everything is not perfect.  We still have our moments.  And we will continue to have moments.  It’s inevitable because we are human.  But, my perspective and expectations determine how I respond to each moment.

So here is the big moral of the story.

If you are struggling in your marriage, the issue might not be in your marriage.  The issue could be in your unfocused relationship with God.  If you are feeling a void in your life and disconnected, re-evaluate your connection with God.  Talk to God regarding this void you are feeling.  Allow Him to fill the void.  Only God can fill the void and the longing that you are experiencing.

(Disclaimer:  When I speak about issues in your marriage, I am not talking about adultery, physical, or mental abuse.   If you are being abused, please seek help from your local church or woman’s agencies in your community immediately.  Of course, I still want you to re-evaluate your connection with God during this season.  But, I also want you to be safe and get the professional help you need asap.)

During my marriage, I have read a couple of books that gave me a better understanding of God, myself, and my marriage.   You can read a snippet of them and purchase by click on each of them below:

Resolving Conflict In Marriage

The 5 Love Languages

Love & Respect

Help Me I’m Married

Healing a Broken Marriage

The Walk Out Woman

No longer happy

Repeat this prayer

Heavenly Father, keep me at the center of your will.  Place a desire in me to seek you with my whole heart.  Strengthen me so that I don’t become distracted.  Thank you for my husband.  Bless my vision to see my husband the way you want me to see him.  When issues arise, please help me to seek you first for clarity, understanding, and guidance.  Please help me to give the same level of grace to others as you have given to me.  I trust you with my whole heart.  I surrender my life and my marriage to you.   In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen!

Stay Blessed, Sis!

Arrettres Hollins

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