Unfortunately, there may come a time in your marriage when your husband will say or do things that will remove trust from your relationship. It doesn’t have to be something as big as an affair or a hidden love child. Even small infractions of lies or concealing the truth will create a wedge between you and your love. It creates a pain in you that can grow into a weed of bitterness and resentment. But with the proper care and guidance, you can overcome every obstacle of distrust that has grown in your marriage. Healing is definitely possible when two people are willing to work towards it. Even you can be free from the hurt you feel when trusting your husband feels impossible.
You might want to react! I know how I am. Trust is a major issue for me. You need to trust what he says is true and what he does honors you as his wife. So when you are put into a position where you discover your Boo has not been as honest or forthright as he should be, you might see red and be ready to burn the house down.
Even though you see red, you can’t jump and react out of your emotions. Your 1st response is normally the wrong response. Why? Because you will be reacting out of your flesh and emotion. Reacting out of your flesh will NEVER help you get to a solution that honors God or the resolution your heart truly wants.
You need support during this season. You need women that are going to pray you through this situation and keep you focused on God, yourself, and your family. Seek your circle for wise counsel. Who should be in your circle?
Yes, beautiful. I need you to put your big girl panties on and forgive him. Not for him. Forgiveness is not for him. Forgive him for you. As long as you hold unforgiveness in your heart it will fester and grow like uncontrolled cancer. It will affect your emotions, cloud your vision, and poison your heart. Bitterness and resentment will overtake your ability to see hope in your marriage. When you forgive your husband, you are removing all of those weights off of you. You are giving yourself the ability to be free.
Forgive him because that’s what God wants you to do. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Don’t confuse forgiveness with trust. We are instructed by God to forgive. Forgiveness cannot be earned. It is freely given. God freely forgave us. Therefore we must learn how to freely forgive as well. Trust is completely different. Trust is earned.
Set up boundaries and expectations that will start the trust-building process. Make sure they are clear and the expectations are attainable. Be realistic and do not allow your emotions to control the rebuilding process.
If he gambled all the family money way or mismanaged funds, it would be wise for you to now manage the finances for your home.
If he had an affair, it would be wise for him to eliminate all interaction with the mistress. You should have access to his devices so that you can verify he isn’t engaging in any behavior that would lead to an affair. Remember, if a person has nothing to hide, they shouldn’t have a problem with this.
This is not your opportunity to torture him by being manipulative. Remember, no matter what happened you must still be Christ-like. Keep God at the center of this process. Continue to speak to your circle. Schedule regular check-ins with a trained professional. This will not be an easy journey. But, your marriage and family is definitely worth it.
Stay Blessed Sis!
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