Should you stay in your marriage after your husband has cheated

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Should I stay in my marriage after my husband has cheated or slept with someone else?  This is a question I get asked very often.  Finding out your husband has has an affair  on you can be devastating.  Living with betrayal can feel unbearable.  Standing at the crossroad between divorce and trying to make it work will feel impossible.  

But, a decision must be made.  Ignoring the problem and acting like nothing has happened is only creating a bigger mess that you will eventually have to deal with later.  Denial will not make the problem go away.  You have to be intentional and prayerful during this process.  There are a couple tips I give wives that are standing at this crossroad.

husband has cheated

Only you can determine if staying with your husband is worth it.

This is your marriage.  Asking an outsider for advice could lead you down a road of regret and more pain.   Friends might mean well, but, they didn’t have the insight into your marriage the way you do.  Only you know if the marriage is really worth it.   Plus, you should never allow someone else to determine whether you will stay married or not.  

Sometimes wives ask others because they don’t want to make the decision them self.  Some wives ask others because they want to know if people will think they are dumb for staying.  Both of these are damaging reasons and keeps you living like the victim where everyone else is responsible for your marriage.

Put your big girl panties on and make a decision based on what is best for you.  Be prayerful.  Ask God what your next steps should be.  Allow God to guide you through this process so that you don’t make decisions solely based on your pain.  

Your husband must be committed to doing the work needed to rebuild trust.

We are not going to play the game where you are busy fixing the marriage while he sits on the side lines assuming that his presence is enough.  He must be actively engaged in the process.  This includes counseling, coaching, getting to the root of his insecurities, healing from his past trauma, and anything else needed to make sure he doesn’t walk down this dark road again.  

He must be proactive in restoration of the marriage.  Don’t put all the burden on yourself.  Working together to rebuild your marriage is a joint effort.  

It’s ok for you to take your time making a decision.

One of the worst things you can do is rush into making a decision.  Take your time.  You don’t have to explain yourself or your delay to anyone.  Not everyone is equipt to get you through this season.  Making this decision will drastically change your life.  Give yourself time to navigate through your emotions.  Be gentle with yourself.  Applying unnecessary pressure will not help the situation.  You’ve experienced  great heartache.  

Take some time for yourself.  Go away for a couple days so you can get your thoughts together.  Spend some quality time taking care of  yourself.  Cry, pray, yell, be angry.  Do whatever you need to do to get those emotions out of your system.   Focus on your healing.  Start the process for yourself, not for your marriage.  Whether you decide to stay or leave your marriage, your healing is still mandatory.  If not, you risk allowing the walls of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness to affect every relationship you will have.  Romantic and non romantic relationships will be affected.  So allow yourself to grieve.  Take your time.  Don’t rush yourself.

Cheating is a tragic thing for wives to experience. 

But, the decision to stay or go must only be made by you.  The only other influences in your decision should be God and your husband’s dedication to rebuilding the marriage.  Don’t let people tell you that this has to be the end of the marriage.  God can restore anything.  

If two people are willing to do the work to rebuild their marriage, it can be done.  It takes hard work and time.  Normally 1-2 years of consistent dedication before marriages get completely back on course.  Yes, you two can fall back in love and be stronger than ever. 

If trust has been broken in your marriage, you should definitely grab my masterclass, ”How to overcome the top 3 challenges wives face when learning to trust your husband again”.  Click here for details → https://bit.ly/2XFwbc4

Stay Blessed Sis!

Arrettres Hollins

P.S. Don’t forget I’ve opened up the doors for Healed To Love​.  Healed To Love is a 90 Day mentorship program dedicated to the mental and emotional well being of wives that have experienced trauma due to neglect, manipulation, disrespect, or lies in marriage.  If you are ready to experience a dramatic breakthrough in your life,

Click here for details about this mentorship and complete an application. –> https://bit.ly/3iUmjnP


Join my complimentary mini-course where you will walk through the stages of emotionally healing from past trauma and how you can protect your marriage from future pain.  

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