This was another one of those topics that I struggled with most of my marriage. Why is this so hard? Because we are naturally self-serving. We want, what we want when we want it. It’s our natural desire to make ourselves feel good. But, it’s important that we keep an open mind and listen to our spouse when they are expressing themselves? If we don’t, we are headed down a slippery slope to divorce. Who wants to be with someone that is always right and never listens to anyone.
If you are always trying to get your way, you are being selfish. Don’t get mad. We are all guilty of this at some point in the relationship. But, it takes maturity and a person that is self-reflective to control these emotions.
Here is another point that sometimes hurts. If you are angry at your husband and withholding sex, affection, your voice from him….you are being selfish. I know, I know, he did or did not do something that you have asked him to do 1097 times. You wanted something and he wouldn’t let you get what you wanted. He has to feel just as bad as you are currently feeling. This is wrong. Vengeance is the Lords. (Romans 12:19) It is not your job to punish your husband and get back at him. God is in total control and will deal with your husband.
Check out this training video where I briefly discussed my struggle and gave steps to overcome this issue.
It isn’t all about you. I know. I hate this!!! Isn’t the world supposed to revolve around me??? No. There are two people in your relationship. Both of your opinions wants, desires, needs, thoughts, plans, and goals should be considered there is a conversation.
Let them talk. Be quiet. If you are very opinionated and tend to run the conversation, you will have to practice the art of silent and listening. Not silently getting your response together. Actively listening and attentive to what your spouse is saying. Hold yourself when they say something that you feel you must immediately respond to. Don’t keep a running tab in your head of all the rebuttals you need to say once they are finished talking. Just listen.
Be genuine. Be sincere. No gestures or expressions that let them know you are uninterested or don’t care about what they are saying. People can tell when you are not being genuine. Especially your spouse.
I’m not telling you to just roll over and allow foolishness to occur in your home. But, there are times when you just have to let go. It really isn’t that serious ALL the time.
Relax. There are also benefits in keeping the peace and allowing your spouse to have their way. Think about how giving you become when someone allows you to have your way. You feel somewhat obligated to do someone kind for them.
If you are only thinking about yourself, how do you think your spouse feels. Are you creating an environment where they feel heard and valuable? Don’t take your spouse’s voice from them. People cling to places where they feel valued. They feel valued by giving input, solving problems, filling a need. Giving them the opportunity to be heard empowers them. It makes them believe they have a voice. They will cling to you and your relationship when they feel they have a voice in your home.
There are times in a marriage where you will have to put your needs to the side so that a greater good can be accomplished. I know you want, what you want when you want it. I am the same way. But, sometimes we have to stop and focus on what is the best decision for everyone involved.
Yes, sometimes this means you are not going to get things exactly the way you want it. But, you wouldn’t want your spouse to shut you down when you were talking about your needs. So don’t do that to them.
Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated when they are expressing their dreams, desires, plans, goals, etc.. It is just that simple.
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