Being angry is not a problem. Things will happen in a marriage that will frustrate you. Life won’t go as planned. Your spouse may say and do things that drive you crazy. You will be 100% justified when you become angry. This isn’t the problem.
The problem is what you do while you are angry. The bible tells us to be angry, but, sin not. Ephesians 4:26. So anger is not the problem. It’s how far we allow our anger to take us.
Now, I do believe we need to be mindful of what we are allowing ourselves to get worked up over. “You made me mad.” is a cop out. You are in control of your emotions. Getting angry is a decision that you made.
Other people may try to plant a seed of discourse, but, you control if it is watered and grows into a harvest in your heart.
There are 3 basic things that can help wives that tend to “pop off”
I can’t say this enough. You can’t go wrong with meditation, reading Gods word and prayer. Make sure your foundation is stable before you take on your daily responsibilities. Create a daily habit of spending time with God as soon as you get out of the bed. Ask him for wisdom to handle everything that may come your way today.
Binge watching reality TV will definitely help you pop off more frequently. I’m not saying don’t watch it at all. But, you need to know your limits. I had to stop watching any reality shows from New York because I turned into that chocolate girl from the Bronx when conflict arose. Eliminate shows that build strife in you emotionally and mentally. Cut back on music that makes you feel aggressive.
All problems won’t be solved immediately. Sometimes you need to walk away from an issue and give yourself time to calm down and gather your thoughts. Don’t walk away and gather more ammunition for the argument. Walk away and get with God. Ask him to show you if you’ve done anything to fuel the issue and how you can resolve the problem.
Stop taking everything as a personal attack against you. Most husbands do not wake up looking for ways to make you angry. But, every once in a while, they will do dumb things. You must learn how to have tough conversations without cussing and fussing.
Learn how to express yourself in a way that makes it easier for your husband to receive from you. I’m not saying you have to become an extremely docile wife. I’m just saying speak in the same tone that you want him speaking to you in. Speak in a way that honors God. Express yourself without embarrassing yourself.
Don’t become disrespectful.
Don’t attack his manhood.
Be intentional about coming up with a solution to the problem. Not pointing the finger and playing the blame game. Create healthy boundaries that prevent the same issue from coming up again. Offer the same amount of grace you would like offered to you the next time you mess up.
The bottom line is controlling your anger does not start when issues arise. It starts inside of you. Way before an issue presents itself, you must be in a position of peace. You will be more rational and prepared to resolve the conflict instead of fueling the issue with your emotions.
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