Connecting Love And Marriage

Resentment is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.  Resentment describes a negative emotional reaction to being mistreated or experiencing intense disappointment.   When the feelings become too overwhelming, they can contribute to resentment. When this happens, trust and love in marriage are broken. 

You may feel a variety of emotions that range from anger, disappointment, and bitterness to despair, a lack of hope, and despondency.

Check out this video below to discover the hidden signs of resentment that are slowly tearing your marriage apart and how you can quickly stop the process.

Resentment in marriage is commonly triggered by:

• Infidelity 
• Being lied to
• Your husband’s actions not aligning with his words
• Broken promises
• Unfulfilled expectations
• Feeling unheard
• Feeling as though you are being taken advantage of

Signs of resentment in your marriage

• passive-aggressive words or actions, or an increase in sarcastic remarks
• increased agitation directed toward your husband
• feeling like you want to escape the marriage.
• reduced feelings of empathy.  the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
• less interest in sex or intimacy
• feelings of disgust or disappointment
• frequently complaining to others about your husband.
• a hidden desire to create distance between you and your husband
• anxiety about the marriage
• an increase in arguments 

The first step in eliminating the resentment you feel towards your husband is to SHIFT YOUR FOCUS!  

You can not eliminate resentment by focusing on your husband.  Waiting for him to do or say a certain thing will only frustrate you more.  I get it, you feel that if he apologizes in a convincing way, your heart will melt and you will finally be able to rebuild.  Yes, your husband might give you a sincere and heartfelt apology.  But, it can only be done when he is submitted to God’s leading.  That’s a heart thing. 

True repentance towards each other is only activated when we are convicted by the holy spirit and surrender to its leading. 

As ambitious wives, we are strong leaders.  Sometimes we make the mistake of playing God in our spouse’s life in an attempt to “help” them be a better man of God.  We tell them what they should and should not be doing.  We even use the word of God to show them the error of their ways.   Our intentions are perfect, but, our technique is off.  

When you are experiencing deep resentment towards your spouse because of their actions, you must be intentional about:

1. Focusing on God.  Redirect your attention from the source of your contention onto the source of your hope.
2. Be honest with God and yourself about what you are feeling.  Lying to yourself and ignoring how you are feeling will only fuel resentment.
3. Casting our cares, concerns, fears, and worries at his feet.
4. Trusting that he cares about and is concerned about every one of your struggles.  
5. Renew your hope in God.  Part of the reason why you may struggle with releasing your resentment is that you doubt God can fix your problem.  You know and believe that God is all-powerful.  But, there is a small part of you that doesn’t believe he is concerned about your specific situation.  You no longer believe that he will step in and fix your concerns.  Not because he can’t, but, because man has let down so many times before.  Do not project the failure of man onto God.  Man failed.  Your husband fell short.   You might have experienced a life where men continued to drop the ball when it came to you and your heart.    God didn’t.  

You need to renew your hope in Christ our redeemer.  You must be relentless about focusing on God and rebuilding yourself in HIM by meditating on his word.

Pray that God renews your hope in him and meditate on the following scriptures:

Isaiah 40: 31 – “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Phillippians 1:6 – “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Lamentations 3:21-23 – “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Colossians 3:1-2 – “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Zephaniah 3:17 – “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Romans 8:18 – “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Your Assignment!

Write each verse on an index card.  Meditate on them until you have them memorized.  Why?  So you can use them as a weapon against the enemy when he tries to mentally torment you.

Ephesians 6 speaks about the Sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. 

This is the only part of the armor of God that stays in OFFENSE mode.  This is not the time for you to throw affirmations at the enemy.  He doesn’t care anything about your affirmations.  

Only the word of God will pierce through the lies of the enemy and render him defeated.  

Use IT!  Why would you try to win this battle on your own?  Jesus, who was God, even used the word against the enemy.  Why would you assume you don’t have to?

It’s time for you to rise up like the victorious and powerful woman of God he created you to be. 

No longer fighting in the natural against the tactics of the enemy.  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

This is not just about your husband.  That’s just the fruit of an assault on your marriage.  This is about the spiritual warfare assigned to your marriage.  You already have the keys to victory and have been pronounced victorious.  The only way the enemy will win is if you surrender to him.  

Don’t surrender! 

Take your eyes off your current struggle and focus solely on God.  Renew your hope in Christ.  Expect God to do what only HE can do in your marriage.  Use the word of God as the double edge weapon that it is.  For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Rise up and boldly declare the word of the Lord.  

Be encouraged, Sis!