Hard Lessons I Learned As a Headstrong Wife

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After years of being a wife, I would say that I’ve learned many difficult lessons the hard and a painful way.

If you want to have a successful marriage, you will need to learn these lessons at some point in your journey, so let me save you some time, heartache, and money!

After all, I want my hindsight to be your path forward.

Here are some of the hardest lessons I had to learn:

Lesson 1 – My way is not always the best way.

I tend to be very analytical. Before I open my mouth with a solution to a problem, I normally have already weighed all the pros and cons. But, I’ve had to learn that my perspective is based only on my life experiences and exposure. I don’t know everything. Go figure. lol

I realized that although I am very smart, gifted, and talented….My husband is also very smart, gifted, and talented. He brings his life experiences and perspective to our marriage. Instead of seeing is a differing opinion as a “challenge”, I need to see it as a gift. Your husband’s view is a blessing. He will be able to open your eyes to solutions that you are unaware of.

Plus, when you focus on only doing things your way, it will shut your husband down. It will make him feel like his voice isn’t being heard in your home.

Lesson 2 – Every issue doesn’t have to become a major topic of discussion.

I can be very direct and confrontational. When an issue arises I normally feel the need to address it immediately. Especially when I feel offended or hurt.

But, I’ve learned to take my concerns to God…FIRST. Why? Because there are times when God will handle the situation without any assistance from you. Plus, God has a way of speaking to your husband and touching his heart regarding situations. Praying for your husband before you speak to him will allow you to experience grace and transformation in your marriage.

Every battle is not for you to fight. Allowing God to lead you before you discuss major topics will guide your words so that your husband receives the information faster.


Lesson 3 – Assume the best of your husband.

Don’t jump to negative conclusions when trying to figure out the intent of your husband. He is your husband. I promise he does not want to be in trouble with you. He is not plotting ways to make you angry or upset.

Instead, assume that your husband had the best intentions. Assume he loves you and wants you to be happy. Assume that he unintentionally made a mistake.

John and I have very different personalities. I am upfront and confrontational. He is laid back and avoids conflict. There was a time that I assumed John used this to his advantage so that he appeared as “the good guy” at all times. In my eyes, he played the victim to this overbearing wife. Poor John with the strong loud New York wife. I began to allow this to taint my view of him. I assumed the worst and held that against him.

When I shared my hurt with john, he had no clue I was feeling this way. He apologized and promised to be intentional about no longer allowing me to play the villain in our relationship.

Instead of harboring ill feelings about your husband, choose to assume the best. Trust that you married a man that loves you and doesn’t want to intentionally harm you. Yes, he will make mistakes. But, his intentions are to be the best husband he can be.

Can you relate to any of the above lessons?

I don’t want you to waste too much time trying to get to enjoy having a successful marriage, so I really do hope that this email has been helpful.

Click here to check out “The unspoken secret to experiencing peace during a tough season of marriage” –> https://bit.ly/2Wg7QKk

Stay Blessed Sis!

Arrettres Hollins

Founder of, Balanced Wife Life Academy

Join my free 5-day online course that will teach you the 5 stages of emotionally healing from past trauma and how to protect your marriage from future pain.  Click the image below for instant access.

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