When you give your heart to someone, you are expecting them to handle it with care. Unfortunately, we sometimes give it to someone and they don’t cherish it like the precious gem it is. So now you have to struggle with how you can overcome the hurt you’ve experienced and trust the person that hurt you.
Those are two separate entities.
You must heal no matter what. In order for you to have a healthy relationship with anyone, you must heal emotionally. If not, you will view all relationships through the lens of betrayal. You will always have a guarded and untrusting way of dealing with people. Even people that are treating you well and haven’t harmed you will be greeted by your walls and mistrust.
Healing is necessary for your well being. It does not mean that you trust the person that hurt you.
You have to treat your healing and learning to trust the person that hurt you as two separate activities. If you treat them like they are hand in hand, your healing will be based on the spiritual maturity of someone else. Never give someone else that much power over you.
The first thing you should focus on when you have been betrayed is your healing. You don’t want to allow bitterness or resentment to take root in your heart.
Here are a couple of things you can do to start the healing process.
You can’t blame yourself for what he did. When your husband sins, they have chosen to step away from God’s instructions. It is not a direct reflection of who you are or if you deserved what was done. Take the weight of guilt or shame off. Don’t take ownership of what they decided to do.
Of course, you should take ownership of anything you said or did that didn’t glorify God. Own any of your behavior that didn’t help the situation. But, you can’t place the weight of their decisions on you.
Pray for your husband and his relationship with Christ. You want your husband to desire to obey God and his instructions. Pray that his love for God will help him be the man of God and husband he was created to be.
When you are betrayed, it sometimes throws off your emotional alignment. You get consumed in the offense and how you feel. If you are not careful, those emotions will consume you.
Get with God asap through prayer and reading his word. You need to stabilize yourself and your emotions. This will help you think and hear clearly so that you can make decisions from a place of wholeness instead of brokenness.
This is not the time for you to act like you have it all together. Ignoring how you feel will only create a lake of unresolved issues in your heart. Cry, scream, yell, eat ice cream in a dark room. Whatever you need to do allows you to process the full extent of your emotions.
Be angry, just don’t sin.
It’s easy to play the victim when your husband has violated your trust. Yes, you were violated. But, at some point, you have to stop allowing that offense to control your emotions.
In order for you to heal, you will have to stop carrying the offense. Stop going back to it as a point a reference. Stop using it as a shield.
You must choose to allow yourself to heal. I say allow yourself to heal because you must make a conscious and intentional decision to heal. It doesn’t happen just because you keep living. It’s a process that you have to participate in. And the first step is being open to letting go of the offense so the healing process can begin. Don’t worry about learning how to trust the person that hurt you while you are going through this process.
Healing from heartache is a process. Allow yourself to go through the process and pace yourself. The most important thing to remember is healing is necessary for you regardless of how your relationship unfolds.
Be intentional and start the process now!
Stay Blessed Sis!
P.S. Don’t forget I’ve opened up the doors for Healed To Love. Healed To Love is a 90 Day mentorship program dedicated to the mental and emotional well being of wives that have experienced trauma due to neglect, manipulation, disrespect, or lies in marriage. If you are ready to experience a dramatic breakthrough in your life,
Click here for details about this mentorship and complete an application. –> https://bit.ly/3iUmjnP
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