I was listening to the radio as a young lady complained about her husband. She expressed her need for a divorce and gave an extensive list of all the reasons she needed to leave. I wasn’t too shocked by her argument. I was there before. Feeling a void in marriage and expecting my husband to fill, it was my daily cry. It wasn’t until I matured, got a little wisdom, and truly understood who God is to me that I could view my husband the way God wanted me to. I want to share the five things God wants you to accept with you if you want Him to save your marriage.
There is nothing more humbling than allowing God to show you, YOU. I can be very critical. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a gift for seeing all my husband’s issues. I can tell him the root of his problem, how he needs to fix it, and how I’m not going to be inconvenienced by this issue. Bossy maybe?? Nope, just rude. Yes, I said rudely. How dare I stand on my pedestal looking down on my husband? I am not perfect and make many mistakes. My ability to irritate and get on his last nerves is uncanny. I am flawed.
God showed me just how ugly I was one day. I was running through the house, as only a mother and wife can, fussing about how everyone had clothes all over the place. The girl’s rooms were dirty, and the laundry room has clean clothes mixed with dirty clothes. John had his clothes all over our bedroom, and all I could see were red flashing lights. So I’m fussing and doing my best to get my point across, and God stopped me dead in my tracks. It was as though he was shining a heavenly light that was focused on a pile of clothes on a chase in my bedroom. Whose clothes were these? Mine. I had the nerve to fuss about everyone else in the house and how they were falling short. Meanwhile, I was falling short right with them.
John 8:7 “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.” OUCH! Talk about a wake-up call. I was a hypocrite. I can’t look at his issues as though they are worse than mine. Walking in humility and looking at myself before I look at anyone else allows me to offer the grace and mercy that honors God.
When I was growing up, my Dad would always tell me to “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” This phrase STUCK. I am very expressive. I have never been the kind of girl that bites her tongue. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned there are times when I can be quiet and not speak up. But, if I feel the need to say something, I say exactly what I mean, and I leave it there—no need for interpretation with me.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the case with some of my sisters. Please don’t be the type of wife with ideas and expectations rolling around in your head and think your husband “should know” what you are expecting. Here is the secret…..He doesn’t. Why? Because he is not a mind reader. Be very clear with your husband regarding your expectations.
A holiday or time of celebration is coming up. Valentines, wedding anniversary or your birthday. The big 3 causes massive arguments and forces men to sleep in on the couch. Instead of getting your hopes up and possibly setting your husband up for failure, check-in with him. Let him know what is on your mind. What are you expecting from him? Be direct and straight to the point.
Why? It takes all the guesswork out of it. Now you might say, that’s not romantic. “I want him to surprise me.” Well, unfortunately, sometimes the surprise is a disappointment. No one is saying that you have to tell him exactly what to do. But lead him to the water.
If you want help with the children, calmly ask him to help. Need to start having date nights, tell him. If you want him to pick up pizza for dinner because you are too tired to cook, tell him. My point is, don’t set your husband up for failure. Be calm and clear about your expectations and desires. He will appreciate your direct honesty.
Stay Blessed sis!
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