(Video) 4 Powerful strategies to increase communication in your marriage

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One of the most important lessons every married couple must learn is how to communicate effectively.  If not, you will either have one person that doesn’t feel safe to express themselves or one person that doesn’t feel heard or understood.   Either way, a lack of healthy communication creates a toxic environment where nothing is ever resolved.  But, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Here are “4 Powerful Strategies To Increase Communication In Your Marriage”.


1.Listen to hear, don’t listen to respond

  • Pay attention to what your spouse is saying.  Actually, listen to the words they are saying and get rid of your preconceived notions and assumptions.
  • Put your cell phone away.  This is just plain old rude.
  • Be quiet.  Don’t interrupt while they are speaking.  If you are thinking about ways to respond WHILE they are talking, then you are not listening.
  • Repeat/rephrase what you heard him say.  This gives you the opportunity to confirm you understand what they are saying or to receive more clarity.
  • Look at your spouse when they are speaking.  It shows compassion and sincerity.

2. Create a safe environment

  • Conversations should be held with a No Judgment theme.  If your spouse says something hurt or offended them, do not judge their feelings.  Accept the role you have played and do better.
  • No attacking them regarding what they are saying.  You want your spouse to feel free to open up and express themselves.  If you verbally attack them every time they speak, they will not feel safe.
  • Don’t be harsh or forceful during the conversation.  This can make them shut down.  If you are normally very animated when you express yourself, tone it down a little.
  • Don’t criticize them.  This is mean.  Just don’t do it.
  • No sarcasm, jokes, or teasing.  Your spouse will feel like you are making light of what they are saying and not taking their hurt/concern seriously.

3. Use positive language & posture.

  • Communication is made up of 3 components: Content is 7%, Tone is 38%, Body Language is 55%
  • Fix your face.  Make sure your expression is inviting.  If you are known for having a resting “angry” face, be intentional about making sure your facial expression is pleasant.
  • Check your body language.  Uncross your arms.  Make sure your posture is open and inviting.
  • Do not say phrases like “You Always!” and “You never!”.  Saying these phrases will always make your spouse defend themself and not hear what you are saying.
  • No yelling!  Quick tip –> If you two normally break out into a shouting match when discussing hot topics, choose to meet in public.   Having conversations at a public restaurant will lower the chance that one of you will raise your voice and cause an embarrassing scene.  Now, you need to know yourself and your spouse.  If you two are at the point where it doesn’t matter where you are, one or both of you are going to yell, DO NOT have your conversations in public.  I don’t want you to get arrested.  LOL  It probably time for you two to speak with a professional that can help you through this rough season of marriage.  Check out my services here –> Marital & Relationship Coaching

4. Use “I feel…..” phrases

  • Sentences that start with “I feel….” don’t sound like you are attacking them.
  • “I feel disappointed when your clothes are on the floor.”
  • This makes your spouse less defensive and more open to hearing what you are saying.


Make sure you are not only communicating with your spouse only when you want to talk about things that are wrong in your marriage.  If the only time you ever want to talk to your spouse is when they have done something wrong, you will create an atmosphere where they hate talking.  Create conversations about things that are pleasant and going well.  Have fun just chatting about the events of the day.

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