I didn’t sign up for this! This isn’t what I expected! Who is this person that I married?? These are all questions most women have asked at some point in their marriage. At least I have. And, I know I’ve made my husband ask these questions 1000 times. LOL, It’s inevitable. The honeymoon is officially over and reality hits. And it hits hard! You have two different people from two different backgrounds with two different rearings and tell them they are now one. What the world?? I have cried out, “Please Help My Marriage!”, way more than I expected I would.
Expectations of wedded bliss fill our girlish dreams when we believe we’ve met our prince charming. Actually, from the moment we played with our first Barbie and Ken doll until we actually walk down the aisle, we create expectations of what our marriage would look like. It’s these same expectations that could create a rift between husbands and wives. He has pre-arranged expectations of his wife while she has pre-arranged expectations of her husband.
Then you throw baggage into the equation and it makes for a very exciting marriage. We all have baggage. Whether we like it or not, there is junk that we bring to our marriage. It is not healthy, but, we have it. We either present our junk to our spouse with “expectations” that they will embrace and adore our junk or we throw our junk at them with “expectations” that they signed up to fix our junk.
Either way, we are setting ourselves, our spouse and our marriage up for disaster. While we were caught up in the bliss of new love, we sometimes make the mistake of turning our affections and expectations for God toward our spouse. Nothing big though. It starts out with a little shift. Very small. We focus a little more on them and a little lesson God. As our attention increases towards them so does our expectations. Sometimes we make the mistake of expecting them to give us joy and make us happy. If we are not careful, wedded bliss can grow into “My husband doesn’t make me happy.”
If you have said this at any point in your marriage, there is the possibility that you have turned your affection and expectations from God toward your spouse. Don’t beat yourself up though. We have ALL done it. We are excited about love and began to focus on the blessing instead of the Blesser.
But, this is the wonderful thing about God. He is patiently waiting for you to shift and turn completely back towards him. God wants all of your heart and through this, He is able to give you the joy that you have been craving. Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul and with ALL your mind.”
Why? Because everything you need is in Him. Every answer you need can only be found in your relationship with our father. Jeremiah 29: 11-14a “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you will seek ME, with ALL your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.
When I began seeking God with my whole heart, soul, and mind! This is when I walked into a better understanding of who God really is to me. I began to really get a grip on who God wants to be in my life. I fell in love with God all over again. And somehow, through His divine grace and mercy, He restored my marriage. I began to see my husband, marriage, and children differently. My expectations shifted and I began to see them through God’s eyes.
Now don’t get me wrong. Everything is not perfect. We still have our moments. And we will continue to have moments. It’s inevitable because we are human. But, my perspective and expectations determine how I respond to each moment.
If you are struggling in your marriage, the issue might not be in your marriage. The issue could be in your unfocused relationship with God. If you are feeling a void in your life and disconnected, re-evaluate your connection with God. Talk to God regarding this void you are feeling. Allow Him to fill the void. Only God can fill the void and the longing that you are experiencing.
(Disclaimer: When I am speaking about issues in your marriage, I am not talking about adultery, physical or mental abuse. If you are being abused, please seek help from your local church or woman’s agencies in your community immediately. Of course, I still want you to re-evaluate your connection with God during this season. But, I also want you to be safe and get the professional help you need asap.)
During my marriage, there were a couple books I have read that gave me a better understanding of God, myself and my marriage. You can read a snippet of them for free right now by click on each of them below
Heavenly Father, keep me at the center of your will. Place a desire in me to seek you with my whole heart. Strengthen me so that I don’t become distracted. I thank you for my husband. Bless my vision to see my husband the way you want me to see him. When issues arise, help me to seek you first for clarity, understanding, and guidance. Help me to give the same level of grace to others as you have given to me. I trust you with my whole heart. I surrender my life and my marriage to you. In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen!
Sincerely your daughter,
P.S. Grab your free copy of ” Restore My Soul Daily!“. This is a must-have for every mom. It will speak life into your current situation and bless your socks off! Click here to grab it now –> Restore My Soul Daily!
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